I spent much of my life aiming for happiness, and trying to emulate whomever seemed to have figured it out - my twin sister, my friends, my spiritual guides, you name it. If they looked happier than I felt, I made it my business to be like them.
Looking back, events that were not about being happy specifically, shaped my life in ways that gave it richer meaning and deeper purpose. Those events allowed me to create my identity, and when put back to back, to give my life meaning. And finding meaning is precisely what gives me the sense that I am happy.
I always wanted to be a parent, and just the thought of it made me happy. Yet there were many times when actually being a parent was admittedly the most difficult thing I had ever done. What's more, you can't just throw in the towel and give up. You HAVE to figure it out because you can't walk away. In my earliest days as a parent, and ever since, I have wanted to learn for myself, and share with others, how to live a meaningful life as a parent. It is the most important and most life-changing role I get to play. My Montessori training and practice have definitely allowed me to hone my tools, and the more I learn, the more I see opportunities to go further.
"THE OBSTACLE IS THE WAY", a book by Ryan Holiday, was very instrumental in identifying strategies for doing just that. Holiday adapts the timeless wisdom of the Stoics like Marcus Aurelius, the great Roman Emperor. He states that while everyone meets obstacles in life, most are discouraged, some push through and a few actually thrive. Thriving - that sounded quite a bit nicer than just being happy, I mused. And intrigued, I set out to discover how. This is what I found:
There are three key steps to overcoming obstacles - perfect! A plan right there! I love plans, they simplify everything. No need to reinvent the wheel.
First - OBSERVATION. It is a Montessori technique that is used in classrooms everywhere, to learn as much as possible about the situation itself. Observation teaches us what can be changed, and if we look carefully we will always find something within our power to change. It is INTELLIGENT.
Second - ACTION. But not any action - action within discipline, so that we know what we are doing, and can learn and adjust. In fact, this kind of action is in my opinion an ADAPTATION to the situation. We take it into account and weave it into our tapestry of experiences. Humans are hardwired to adapt, so this makes perfect sense, as well as appears doable.
Third - WILL. Cultivate the will to always keep learning, so that no matter the outcome we have made progress. In this way there is always something to be gained.
As it happens, our Montessori training for the first years of life gives us this exact recipe: every experience for the young child under 3 should be an opportunity to integrate the intelligence, movement and the will. This enables the child to develop a template of how to be successful, so that in everyday situations the outcome includes the sense that "I AM CAPABLE". For the adult, seeing a child develop in this way provides not only a sense of awe at the human condition, but also the joy of feeling that we are aiding life, one child at a time. And that is all the meaning I need.
